Thursday 6 June – Sara and Annie

by Keziah Warner

Sara and Annie are at the spa. Both in baths of olive oil.

Annie is extremely-self-consciously naked. Strangely, Sara is still wearing her trench coat.

Sara is on her phone. Annie’s phone is on the floor by the bath – a little too far away. She looks around, trying to think of something to say. She waits for Sara to put her phone down. Eventually, she decides to reach for her phone. Not wishing to be noticed by Sara, she slowly, excruciatingly slithers her arms and shoulders over the edge, followed by her torso so she is hinging on the edge of the bath by her hips. She’s five months pregnant so it’s extremely awkward and precarious. She grasps at the floor a few times before managing to get hold of her phone.

At this point, she realises she is balanced more on the floor than in the bath. She puts her phone in her mouth, places her palms flat on the tiled floor and bends her elbows to brace herself. She makes two little bouncing motions up and down like push ups to gain momentum and then powerfully flings herself up and back. The oil splashes loudly as she lands in the tub.

Sara looks up from her phone for the first time.

SARA: I’ve just realised I’ve been here before.

ANNIE: Oh?

SARA: Yes, Jeremy and I came for a wax.

ANNIE: Jeremy had a wax too?

SARA: Yes. Full body.

ANNIE: Right.

SARA: I don’t remember why now.

ANNIE: Must have been painful.

SARA: Yes he had a reaction. Got a rash everywhere.

ANNIE: Really?

SARA: Everywhere.

ANNIE: Wow.

Continue reading “Thursday 6 June – Sara and Annie”
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Thursday 30 May

by Keziah Warner


Thursday 30th May 2019

Annie is in her kitchen at home. She stands at the counter cutting up a lemon, with her mobile cradled between her ear and shoulder. A pot of soup is on the stove. On the table, there is a bottle of olive oil and some recently-unwrapped wrapping paper. She talks on the phone whilst occasionally tasting the soup.

ANNIE:    Friday, yeah.

We just had some drinks.

Yeah it was alright. I can’t drink so…

I got her a spa voucher.

Yeah. I thought… I don’t know. It’s been a big few months. Something relaxing.

Thank you, I thought so.

It was actually only when I went to get her the present that I realised I don’t really know anything about her. I mean, I know she has a daughter and she cares about fast rail and I think I heard her mention mini golf once but…

Annie accidently cuts herself.

Oh ow.

She sucks her finger where the cut is.

Sorry. Yeah, yeah mum I’m fine. Just cut myself.

A lemon.

So anyway I got a spa voucher in the end.

Olive oil.

Yes, just a bottle of oil. She wrapped it so

I know.

Well it doesn’t really matter now

She’s running for the senate.

She hasn’t asked me, but I’m not sure…

What?

Oh soup.

Well it’s cold outside and I’m on a, you know, a health thing.

She squeezes the lemon into the soup.

Because it’s too sweet. Yeah.

Pumpkin, sweet potato and onions and zucchini, but I caramelised the/

Courgette yes. I know. Well I live here, mum.

No. I don’t know if the senate is what I want. I don’t know if politics is really

I know but it’s just a degree. Everything’s real life experience now and I’m sure my skills are transferable anyway. I mean, of course they are, right?

Who?

Oh. I remember. From school.

Is she?

Yeah maybe.

She tries the soup.

I said maybe! It’s still sweet.

Already tried tomatoes.

No it just tastes like sweet tomatoes.

Yes… I think I have dried chilli

She looks in the cupboard.

Yeah I could get in touch with her but

She finds the chilli.

Well mum she lives in England and we haven’t spoken since high school so we’re not exactly going to raise our kids together are we?

I’m not/

Is she?

Well I’m happy for her

Why would I know about parental conditions for archivists?

I’m not being/

I want to hear about it! What does she archive?

Why would I know?

We’re not friends on Facebook.

She adds the chilli, stirs, tastes.

Oh chilli helps.

Yeah. Thanks.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do, mum.

I know I have a child.

Yes.

I know I need a job. I’m going to start looking

I’m not avoiding

Look it’s fucking scary ok? There’s this whole new person in the room, in my life and it’s like my brain has changed. Like how I’m seeing things is different now and I’ve been thinking about my career and everyone I’ve worked for and I don’t know if I’ve made the right choices and I just feel really kinda fucking scared about the world. Like it’s kind of terrifying actually and maybe this was all a stupid mistake and I’m sort of pretty fucking worried I’ve been fighting on the wrong fucking side.

I know. I’m not. I know you are.

Yeah.

It’s nine o’clock.

I know, well, the soup took longer than I thought.

Yeah, maybe.

I don’t know if I’m hungry.

Thursday 23 May

by Keziah Warner

In the campaign office, Sara and Annie are stress-eating bread and olive oil. Sara is tugging nervously at her trench coat.

The phone rings. Annie answers it.

ANNIE:    Yes.

Yes.

Thank you.

She hangs up.

SARA:        How much now?

ANNIE:    Eighty percent.

SARA:        And still behind by/…?

ANNIE:    A lot. Yes.

SARA:        Fuck.

ANNIE:    It’s only eighty.

SARA:        How good is your maths?

ANNIE:    What?

SARA:        Numbers.

ANNIE:    Ok.

SARA:        It’s been five days.

ANNIE:    It’s not impossible.

SARA:        But not probable.

ANNIE:    It’s a lot to take in.

SARA:        Concedere.

ANNIE:    Consider…?

SARA:        The Latin. Con, completely. Cedere, yield.

ANNIE:    It’s not over till it’s over.

SARA:        You’ll be ok. I expect you’ve had phone calls already.

ANNIE:    I haven’t.

SARA:        I’ve heard your phone ringing.

ANNIE:    I have a job.

SARA:        We’re going to need some more bread.

ANNIE:    Yes.

Annie gets up. She stops at the door.

We still think every community matters, don’t we?

SARA:        Maybe some more than others.

ANNIE:    Latin, really?

SARA:        Yes.

ANNIE:    Don’t be such a wanker.

Annie leaves the room.

Sara sits for a second then takes a few sharp breaths in, like when you’re trying not to cry.

She composes herself.

She picks up the phone and dials.

SARA:        Hi, it’s mum.

I’ll be home soon, darling. Is Dad home?

Ok can you tell him I’ll be there in half an hour?

Thanks darling. I love you too.

Bye. Bye.

She hangs up. Dials again.

Hello?

Hi. It’s Sara.

Yes. May I speak with/

Thank you.

Hi. It’s Sara.

I’m calling to say… congratulations.

Thursday 16 May

by Keziah Warner

Sara and Annie in the office, 10.30am. Two women in their 70s are sat on chairs against the wall. There is a plate of biscuits on the floor in front of them. They are not eating the biscuits. Sara has her back to the women.

SARA: Are you feeling good?

ANNIE: Definitely.

SARA: I’m feeling really good.

ANNIE: Great.

SARA: It’s close.

ANNIE: Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.

SARA: I mean in time. Close in time.

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Thursday 9 May – The Value of Motherhood

by Keziah Warner

Sara and Annie at Sara’s house, they’ve just finished dinner. Sara is clearing the plates.

Jem, Sara’s daughter, sits at the table with them, playing a game on her iPad. Noise blares from it.

SARA:             I’m not sure we should announce this straight away.

ANNIE:            No I wasn’t thinking that we’d/

SARA:             Although, not a bad time to talk about the value of motherhood.

ANNIE:            I’m really glad we could discuss this outside of the office so that/

SARA:             Did you like your chicken?

ANNIE:            It was delicious, thank you.

SARA:             Actually… maybe it’s the perfect time

ANNIE:            For what?

SARA:             To announce a pregnancy

ANNIE:            My pregnancy?

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Thursday 2 May

by Keziah Warner

Sara’s office, early evening.

Sara is on the phone. She’s wearing her trench coat. There are fifteen or so cases of olive oil piled around the room. She is resting her feet on one as she talks.

SARA: Just because they think it’s an emergency doesn’t mean we have to think it’s an emergency

Yes but it’s time we stood up for ourselves, established our own identity. We need to show our club members that we’re strong and independent, not just kowtowing to foreign trends

Yes, David. I understand.

Well if the UK jumped off a cliff should we jump off a cliff? I mean really, David

Yes. Yes.

Some of my best friends are polar bears, David. But look I really want to talk about our commitment to

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