Monday 3 June – Retail Politics

by Ben Ellis

Cafe on the ground floor of a corporate building

SAM. Retail politics

JACKIE. Funny saying

SAM. That’s what they kept saying on floor twelve

JACKIE. Those last four days were the best of my life

SAM. You were certain we’d lose

It’s like childbirth

SAM. You were screaming about having Bill as PM

JACKIE. You forget the pain because of the beautiful result

SAM. It was beautiful

JACKIE. Do you ever feel..

SAM. Feel…


SAM. Feel…


SAM. Retail politics

JACKIE. It’s not really retail. There are laws about, um, misspeakings

SAM. Misspeakings

JACKIE. Variations of fact

SAM. Lies

JACKIE. Not lies, oscillation of verity

SAM. Facebook ads

JACKIE. We did a lot of Facebook ads

SAM Bill wants to take away your ute insert ute like here—

JACKIE. Tax your dad’s cremation

SAM. Abort a million fetuses


SAM. Nothing’s an out and out lie

JACKIE. How’s that

SAM. If it feels true, in retail politics, it probably is

JACKIE. You’re a lot smarter than I ever gave you credit

SAM. That’s why we made it to Floor Twelve

JACKIE. You don’t make it to Floor Twelve in a campaign without a couple of neurons firing

SAM. What do you really think of Scott

JACKIE. He’s useful. But he’s still a bit of Pentecostal loon, isn’t he?

SAM. He’s in charge

JACKIE. No. We are

SAM. Aluminium


SAM What about aluminium? What about Taiwan?

SAM. We’ll sort that out


SAM. Later


SAM. So why did you want to see me?

JACKIE. I got a joke

SAM. Yeah?

JACKIE. Why did they vote for us?

SAM. Why did they vote for us?

JACKIE. Because they didn’t want yet another fucken Prime Minister

SAM. Smokin’

JACKIE. Lit, yeah?


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