by Keziah Warner
Sara and Annie in the office, 10.30am. Two women in their 70s are sat on chairs against the wall. There is a plate of biscuits on the floor in front of them. They are not eating the biscuits. Sara has her back to the women.
SARA: Are you feeling good?
ANNIE: Definitely.
SARA: I’m feeling really good.
ANNIE: Great.
SARA: It’s close.
ANNIE: Don’t worry. We’ll be fine.
SARA: I mean in time. Close in time.
ANNIE: Oh.
SARA: It’s almost Saturday.
ANNIE: Yes. Of course.
SARA: I’m not worrying. Why would you say don’t worry? I’m not worried. Are you worried?
ANNIE: No.
SARA: Are you?
ANNIE: Of course not. It’s been a good week.
SARA: Great week.
ANNIE: Yes.
SARA: We promised jobs and talked about fast rail and funded that electronic scoreboard.
ANNIE: They loved that.
SARA: Just you wait till they see the fast rail.
ANNIE: Yes.
SARA: It’s all about community ethics.
ANNIE: Right.
SARA: I used to be a journalist, you know.
ANNIE: I do.
SARA: And as a journalist you have to say what you mean and mean what you say.
ANNIE: Ethical reporting.
SARA: Exactly. Now as a politician you can have bias but only towards your local community and I’ve got that in spades.
ANNIE: And the fast rail.
SARA: Exactly.
ANNIE: So, for Saturday/
SARA: Are they still there?
Annie looks at the women.
ANNIE: Yes.
SARA: What are they doing?
ANNIE: Just sitting.
SARA: Why are they inside now?
ANNIE: It’s a sit-in.
SARA: But they were outside.
ANNIE: Yes.
SARA: I didn’t mind when they were outside.
ANNIE: It’s escalating.
SARA: I gave them an interview.
ANNIE: Yes.
SARA: I told them that if they voted for me I’d listen to their concerns. And now they’re inside. They’re impeding access to my internal office area.
ANNIE: Is that true?
SARA: Of course it is.
ANNIE: I gave them those biscuits you made.
SARA: Why?
ANNIE: A peace offering.
SARA: Are they eating them?
ANNIE: No.
SARA: For god’s sake.
ANNIE: Let’s talk about Saturday. The big day.
SARA: Fine.
ANNIE: We’ll go to the polling station first thing. Talk to some people, shake some hands. You’ll vote. You’ll eat a democracy sausage. Quick photo op. Done.
SARA: Do I have to eat the sausage?
ANNIE: Democracy sausage.
SARA: Do I have to eat the democracy sausage?
ANNIE: We just need a photo with it.
SARA: Why aren’t they eating them?
ANNIE: What?
SARA: The biscuits.
ANNIE: I think it’s the olive oil.
SARA: What about it?
ANNIE: You used olive oil instead of butter.
SARA: I don’t do butter anymore.
ANNIE: It has a slightly ah…
SARA: What?
ANNIE: It’s not the best fat for biscuits.
SARA: So they don’t like the biscuits I hand-flippin-made for them?
ANNIE: It might just be part of the protest.
SARA: What are they doing now?
ANNIE: Nothing. Just sitting.
SARA: So what about you?
ANNIE: Me?
SARA: Yes. You. We should get you voting too; an expectant mother taking her child’s future into her own hands. You can have two democracy sausages, that’d be terrific.
ANNIE: I can’t vote.
SARA: What do you mean you can’t vote?
ANNIE: I’m English.
SARA: What? You don’t have an accent.
ANNIE: Yes. I do.
SARA: Do you?
ANNIE: My mum lives in England.
SARA: Everyone’s mum lives in England.
ANNIE: That’s not really true.
SARA: God, why this obsession with the truth all of a sudden?
ANNIE: I’m just… not a citizen.
SARA: Are you even allowed to work for me?
ANNIE: I put my nationality on the forms. I’ll be eligible next year.
SARA: What use is that?
ANNIE: I wanted to do my bit.
SARA: Jesus Christ.
One of the old women coughs.
Right. That’s it.
ANNIE: I’ll get her some water.
SARA: Yes, fantastic. Why don’t you get her some champagne while you’re at it? And caviar. And a poached quail’s egg and a roast pheasant and our finest brandy and some bloody frankincense and myrrh and the flipping pink and purple flowers of the tinkle-tinkle tree.
ANNIE: I…
SARA: Call the police.
ANNIE: What?
SARA: Do it now.
ANNIE: Is that necessary?
SARA: I’ll do it if you won’t do it.
ANNIE: I don’t want to / call
SARA: Fine!
Sara picks up the phone and dials.
SARA: Police.
Yes, thank you, I’m being intimidated.
It’s a sit-in.
I’m an MP. They’re protesting.
It’s not violent physically. But it is extremely violent psychologically.
Two of them.
I don’t know, in their seventies?
Well they’re impeding access to my internal office area and they’re intimidating my staff. I’d like them arrested.
Of course I support the right to protest but there really is a line.
Thank you.
She hangs up.
They’re on their way.
ANNIE: I’ll get that water.
SARA: Well don’t take too long; we don’t know what they’ll do.
Annie goes.
Sara stands stoically facing away from the women.
One of them leans down and picks up a biscuit. She takes a bite and chews it slowly. It does not taste good.
One of them leans down and picks up a biscuit. She takes a bite and chews it slowly. It does not taste good.
The Campaign & After Plays 