by Emilie Collyer
In a kink dungeon somewhere in Western Australia. Two professional Dommes are setting up for the day. Props and costumes in evidence include caps, suits, short grey-haired wigs, glasses, generic round pale face masks.
DEE: Such a good promo idea.
KAY: Just responding to customer malaise. That sense we were getting, about people feeling disconnected. Remote. Impotent. And I mean, the hashtag was trending anyway.
DEE: Exactly! Say who you are. Own what you like. Come get a free kink session for using the ‘I like’ hashtag. Brilliant. And it’s gone off the dial.
KAY: Have we got enough props and costumes for all the scenarios?
DEE: I’ve been responding to what’s coming through. Let’s see.
She reads from a list / screen and as she does they both don elements of costume and props.
DEE: ‘I like him ‘cause he wears a cap.’
‘I like him ‘cause he sings and claps.’
‘I like him ‘cause he isn’t smug.’
‘I like him ‘cause he does thumbs up.’
‘I like him ‘cause he waited by a mine.’
‘I like him ‘cause he has a real smile.’
‘I like him ‘cause he could be a mate.’
‘I like him ‘cause he’ll make us great.’
‘I like him ‘cause he has a bus.’
‘I like him ‘cause he’s one of us.’
They have transformed from two stunning, unique femmes into two slight variations on dudes in suits with bland white faces. One might wear the cap. The other, glasses. But the overall effect is that they should look pretty much the same as each other.
KAY: Right. Pause. Shit.
KAY: Look at us. Beat. I thought there would be … more.
DEE: More what?
KAY: More … difference, more diversity, just … more.
DEE: No judgement now.
KAY: I know. Here to serve. Give the people what they want. Beat. And we’re sure they all want … this?
DEE: Oh, hang on.
DEE: There’s a few more coming through. Hot off the press:
‘I like it when they get into bed with each other. Behind closed doors. In party deals. When they squeeze others out and tick all the right boxes.’
KAY: Ooh. Better. Some action at least.
DEE: Okay. Here’s the money shot:
‘I didn’t think I’d like any of them. Any of it. But I read about a candidate today, talking about our state, us over here in WA. I thought he’d been ignoring us, but it got me in, got me hot and bothered in all the right ways. He talked about unleashing us, driving us into the ground and tying us up in red tape. Now THAT’s a sort of leader I can get behind. THAT’s what I like!’
KAY is slow clapping or possible very excited.
KAY: Oh yeah. All right. Now we’re talking. Now we’re onto something. I knew there was some juice in this game. NOW we’ve got a show.
DEE: That’s what I like.
They open the doors for business.